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Writer's pictureMelody Roper

02.23 Thoughts unstructured

On the comedown of ||||||| tea and a rough day


Feeling gassed

Used up and needing to be accessible in case need comes up again

Ok for me but not for thee

But all the goo goo bs is all about being a martyr

How can you be the villain if you're always discovering a sword in your side

Communicating a need? Oh better have a bigger and opposing one

Round and round and round and round and around haven't you heard it is a battle of words?

Most will die

Us

Them

You

Me

Who will the other be

All we need is someone to point at

Some trauma

Some bully

Anyone will do

just don't tell us their story too


I wish this keyboard could pull the thoughts straight down and out of my brain. It can't be helped if theres a lot of it about


With

Without


Out of the way

What is the price

What is one man die


A perfect kingdom I sit upon

My plants a plenty

My pets close by

Shoes for each purpose

A teller of success

But what about when tiny failure reigns

This point missed

That sad complaint of a pup

A need shared

a need not met

All cause for upheaval and complete death?

Reason to quit and confirm it is broken beyond repair/

How do you reason with a mind

decidedly pitted against itself

It knows each trick. It knows the paths to health

It reasons away

Cannot the little slip ups fade?

Not here

Not under the tyranny of the storm


What clears a storm


---

The lunatic is on the grass


Remembering games and days of change and laughs

Got to. Keep the lunars on his path

The lunatic is in the hall

The lunatics are in my halls

The paper holds their folded faces to the floor

And everyday the paperboy brings more

And if the damn breaks open many years too soon

And if theres no room upon the hill


The lunatic is in my head

You raise the blade

You make the change

You rearrange me until im sane

You lock the door

Throw away the key


Theres someone in my head but it's not me


If the cloud bursts thunder in your ear

You shout and no one seems to hear

If the band you're in starts playing different tunes

I'll see you on the dark side of the moon


----


Let's start again


With unclear intentions you receive unclear determinations


If you want to seek change or enlightenment...be deliberate.


Something from the [Bhagavad Gita] comes to mind

Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water.

After enlightenment: chop wood, carry water."


By small and simple things great things come to pass. It really is a good guiding principle, despite not having good associations from its progenitors.


How do I exist within myself while still supporting those I love?

How do I create a |self| who is regardless of how I am defined in relation to others?


How do I heal my own attachment wounds?

How do I coexist comfortably with my love?

How do I support his ongoing struggles without losing myself? That line is proving to be the most elusive out of all that I am attempting to capture.



Who, and what, is a Melody when placed in a vacuum?

Is she a woman?

She is not a man.

could she be somewhere between?

This feels like it should be baseline/straightforward to my brain. Ugh, did not expect to trip on the first step.

Melody is a creature who is curious

Who is compassionate

Is passionate

Melody feels value in

Laughter

Connection

Togetherness

Comradery

Shared struggle or suffer

Beauty

Excitement

Determination

Melody experiences love when


What does love feel like?

A wholeness shared with another

A commingling of spirits experiencing joy together


---



How do I move past my outdated hurts at reactions or interactions?

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